Not entirely sure what to write about today. I’m finally seeing a (small) difference in myself physically as a result of going to the gym regularly, and it feels fantastic! I mean, it’s not like I’ve lost loads of weight or anything, but it’s enough that I can tell the exercise is making a difference, […]
Another day, another blog post apparently. I’m not committing to doing this every day, but it seems to help and I’m not going to turn that down. I’ve started doing vocal journal entries on my phone fairly recently. I just switch on the voice recorder and then lock the screen and hold my phone to […]
I feel so overwhelmed by life.
My husband has been off work this past week and it’s been wonderful. But now Tuesday is looming (the day he goes back to work) and I feel like I’m falling back into that pit of despair filled with restless ghosts that won’t stop whispering at me. What is the point of life? What is […]
You scream but no one hears you. You laugh to cover up your agony; why can nobody tell how fake it is? You smile a smile that feels like a grimace, but it must pass off okay because no one rushes to your side. You feel ashamed of your own weakness. Your eyes are open […]
I can’t breathe I can’t sleep I can’t see I can’t speak I can’t hope I can’t dream I can’t live I can’t be me At least, not the me I used to be
I am mad at the world And the world’s cruel laugh At the mockery The ridicule The joke that it makes of me. I am mad at the world And its cunning facade At the sneer on its face As it slanders my name Ruthless and cold. I am mad at the world For all […]
Some days are good. Some days are bad. Some days are a mix. There’s no formula or pattern. Each day is a lottery.
Today is a low day. It’s like trudging through treacle, except falling doesn’t taste so sweet. I wish I could just sleep away the day, escape from the suffocating darkness. I wish I could look in the mirror and not be repulsed by what I see. On days like this I wonder what the point […]
I’m finding it so hard to blog lately. I don’t really know why. It might be because writing a post involves actually pondering my feelings, and I’d rather avoid that. So a brief update: I’m still anxious and I’m still depressed. My medication dose has been increased to 200mg daily (sertraline). I see progress in […]
Ella Cook 