Cut

Today I cut myself with a knife because I want someone to care. I told my husband I needed him to be with me today but he went to work anyway. So I cut myself. It’s the first time I’ve done it. I just want him to care. For the record, the cut is pathetic. […]

Mad At The World

I am mad at the world And the world’s cruel laugh At the mockery The ridicule The joke that it makes of me. I am mad at the world And its cunning facade At the sneer on its face As it slanders my name Ruthless and cold. I am mad at the world For all […]

No Purpose

Today is a low day. It’s like trudging through treacle, except falling doesn’t taste so sweet. I wish I could just sleep away the day, escape from the suffocating darkness. I wish I could look in the mirror and not be repulsed by what I see. On days like this I wonder what the point […]

Killing Instinct

Wading through the thick sludge that is my life, hating the pain and the impossibility of each step. Continuing anyway. Desperate for a reprieve, and yet every time I fall, every time I sink beneath the surface and become enveloped in killing darkness, instinct takes over and I thrash my way to the surface again. […]

Sleep Is My Solace

I can only get away From the blackness The pain Agony When I’m asleep Because for a few moments I’m free And I can give myself a break But lately sleep has become harder More elusive And I find myself thinking: What if one day I can’t escape What if I have to spend the […]

Swallow Me Up

I don’t want to exist anymore. I don’t want to endure another second of this pain. I can’t bear it anymore. I’m alone and my son won’t stop screaming and I am paralysed by anxiety so I can’t go to him to comfort him and there are just all these expectations of me like getting […]

Being a Mother. Being a Daughter

Day 2 of my re-commitment to blogging…and I have no idea what to write about! I guess I’ll just see where the words take me. This morning was one of the rare moments when I felt able to contact my Mum. My daughter was happily playing with a Christmas present from her (she only opened […]