My Reality

Today has been another day when I have been reminded how much I despise anxiety and depression (as if I need reminding). It’s also shown me how having a cough and a sore throat, added to a great need for sleep, can exacerbate anxiety and depression considerably. And to top it off, my husband’s getting unwell too, which  triggers […]

The Blame Game

I haven’t posted in over a week, and I have no idea what to write.  I’m not even going to attempt to cover the entire happenings since my last entry, but in a nutshell it’s been up and down. It might be easier to just pick up from today and explain how I feel now. […]

Thinking

I had a pretty deep conversation with my husband yesterday. I showed him a few of my recent blog posts because I find it easier that way, it gives him an insight into my feelings that we can then build a discussion on. He was very kind and very understanding. He wasn’t defensive. I felt […]

I’m A Mess

I had a doctor’s appointment this morning. I’m finding them increasingly difficult and I’m not sure why. She’s a lovely doctor, I feel likes she cares and takes me seriously. I just find it harder every time to be completely open and honest. My husband doesn’t want me to tell her about his infidelity because […]

Once A Cheater, Always A Cheater?

I have no idea what to do.  I’m seriously stuck for a way forward.  I need help. How can I trust my husband again? Is it even possible? Can I really hold out any hope for the future? Can I truly trust that he won’t cheat again? How do I recover from this? It’s been […]

Waking Nightmare

I want to die. I don’t want to die. I want to escape. If death would be an escape then I want it. I want to cease to be. I want to not exist. I want this nightmare to end. But it’s my life and my reality. I can’t wake up from it. I can’t […]

Hopelessness, Hurt, Hatred

I haven’t written a post in a long time because I just don’t know what to say. I can’t tell the difference between what’s real and what’s not anymore. I can’t tell what’s anxiety or depression and what’s really me. And part of me thinks there isn’t a real me anymore, not beyond mental illness. […]