Cut

Today I cut myself with a knife because I want someone to care. I told my husband I needed him to be with me today but he went to work anyway. So I cut myself. It’s the first time I’ve done it. I just want him to care. For the record, the cut is pathetic. […]

No Purpose

Today is a low day. It’s like trudging through treacle, except falling doesn’t taste so sweet. I wish I could just sleep away the day, escape from the suffocating darkness. I wish I could look in the mirror and not be repulsed by what I see. On days like this I wonder what the point […]

Married Life

So on the bright side I managed to calm down enough to deal with my little girl last night. On the down side, I had a massive blow up with my husband this morning. We were both tired and said things we shouldn’t have, and even though he left for work on a good note […]

My Friend Fear

Let me introduce you to my friend Fear. We’re super tight, we literally go everywhere and do everything together. She’s an awesome friend; the kind that never leaves your side. Fear knows what’s best for me, even when I’m not sure myself. She’ll remind me over and over that the best way to stay safe […]

Sleep Is My Solace

I can only get away From the blackness The pain Agony When I’m asleep Because for a few moments I’m free And I can give myself a break But lately sleep has become harder More elusive And I find myself thinking: What if one day I can’t escape What if I have to spend the […]

Masterpiece Of Misery

I feel worthless. I feel ugly. I feel taken for granted. I feel unappreciated. I feel stupid. I feel repulsive. I feel unlovable. I feel disgusting. I feel hated. I feel a burden. I feel a disappointment. I feel unimportant. I feel like I’m drowning and nobody has noticed. Nobody looks hard enough to notice. […]

A Little Girl Seeking Validation

I spoke to my Dad today on the phone, and for the first time I was honest with him about how things are with me. I mean, I’m honest all the time, but I’m usually more generic with my responses, giving blanket answers rather than specifics. And I often downplay things a little. But today […]