Because I Am A Mother

There are times when I feel so guilty for having children. For bringing them into such a horrible world. I know life has good parts, but it has bad parts too, and I hate to think I can’t protect them from everything. I helped create them, my body was their safe haven until they could […]

Remembering

I’m so grateful for moments of peace. For the temporary absence of the knot in my stomach. It’s such a nice reprieve. And it occurs to me that this must be what life is like for people without anxiety and depression. Heck, this must be what my life used to be like. I just can’t […]

Perks Of Time Travel

I am unbelievably tired. And time is passing unbelievably slowly. I just want 6 o clock to arrive so I can put my boy to bed and have blissful peace. He’s at that cute but infuriating stage where he’s incessantly curious, playing with everything he shouldn’t. He scoots around the room exploring and I love […]

Kaleidoscope

Today a Health Visitor came round to see my one year old son and check his general progress. I suppose she was nice, but I found it hard to see that because in my opinion she was a bit tactless in some of her phrases, and also I just don’t like people in my house […]

Invisible Woman

The days are so difficult at the moment. I get so low, so overwhelmed by life and everything in it. I feel like I’m failing in so many ways. I feel I’m disappointing everyone, most of all myself. I have this weird sensation that I’m just drifting through life. The days are slipping past without […]

Hurricanes Of Every Sort

The weather has mirrored my mood today- turbulent, grey and uninviting. Picking my daughter up from school was the worst school run I’ve done to date. The wind was ferocious and unrelenting, I had to take my daughter’s umbrella away because it was getting difficult for her to hold onto, and suffice it to say […]

Jealous?

Jealousy is like a disease. Once it’s taken root inside of you, it grows. Thankfully, it’s curable. But eradicating it from your system is not easy. Sometimes we don’t even know we’re infected with jealousy until something triggers it. Suddenly and without warning, you’re racked with insecurity and fear. It cripples. It sucks the life […]

The Crap Mental Illness Causes

I’m fed up with feeling this way. I’m fed up with mental illness and the crap it puts us through. I’m fed up with living a life that feels like it’s not worth living. I’m fed up with not being heard and not being understood. I’m fed up with wanting to hide away. I’m fed […]

Drained

It’s been one of those draining days where I feel like I need about 15 hours sleep in order to recharge. I’m just exhausted in every way. My brain is telling me to just put my phone down and go to sleep, but I find it difficult to consider doing that. I don’t think I […]

Give Me A Light

I had a doctor’s appointment this morning which I was very nervous about, but it went well. I’ve been given a higher dose of propranolol so hopefully I’ll see a bigger effect now when I take it (I was seeing an effect most of the time before, but not always and sometimes not in a […]