I find that trying to articulate aspects of depression helps me to understand myself better. It gives me a perspective. I don’t feel this way right now, but I like to write about how I have felt at times. And here you have it, something that I’ve written that goes some way towards describing one […]
So apparently it’s been around two years since my last blog post. I’m not sure why I stopped, and I’m not exactly sure if I’m ‘starting’ again. But I am writing now. Two years and I could say it doesn’t feel like much has changed…but that would be a lie. I think I’m finally making […]
I feel so overwhelmed by life.
It’s like a weight pressing down on me, whispering hateful words and cruel judgements, accusing and condemning. You’re not good enough. You’re a disappointment. You’re always a disappointment. You’re fat and you’re ugly and who could blame people for not loving you? It’s voices in my head repeating vicious mantras, voices of the enemy, except […]
I love good days. They are worth living for. And they remind me of what it means to be happy. I love laughing and I love that I am married to my best friend, who is great at making me laugh. Today was good.
A day when things seem to be getting a bit better. I’m well aware this is probably just the upward slant of the eternal up-and-down wave I’m living called anxiety and depression, but there’s no doubt the upward slant feels a heck of a lot nicer than the downward one. I’m kind of afraid of […]
I haven’t posted in a very long time. I’m not going to do an update in detail because I doubt it matters. If anyone reads this, just know this: I am still depressed and I am still anxious. My life has changed in various ways and I’ve had ups and downs. But the point is […]
Today I cut myself with a knife because I want someone to care. I told my husband I needed him to be with me today but he went to work anyway. So I cut myself. It’s the first time I’ve done it. I just want him to care. For the record, the cut is pathetic. […]
The answer is to kill myself. That’s it. Simple, really.
I can’t breathe I can’t sleep I can’t see I can’t speak I can’t hope I can’t dream I can’t live I can’t be me At least, not the me I used to be