Today I am lying in bed with tears pricking at my eyes because nobody understands and I can’t do this anymore.
Black black black Alone afraid hurting Nobody cares Never good enough Hate the world Drowning with a fake smile on my face Leave me alone Want to escape Want to die Darkness despair destruction Alone always alone Never good enough
I spoke to my Dad today on the phone, and for the first time I was honest with him about how things are with me. I mean, I’m honest all the time, but I’m usually more generic with my responses, giving blanket answers rather than specifics. And I often downplay things a little. But today […]
I had a doctor’s appointment today (unrelated to my mental health) and even though I felt on the edge of panic a few times sitting in that waiting room with strangers, I am proud to say I kept it under control, and without use of propranolol. I am making progress, I can see that, and […]
I’ve been really insecure lately. I’ve been saying such horrible things about myself so many times a day, and it’s become a habit, I just insult myself without thinking. I am so quick to assume that I’m a disappointment to others. It’s really wearing on me, and on my husband too because he doesn’t like […]
This will be a happy post, because happy thoughts make a person feel good. I apologise if it’s boring for anyone, you don’t have to read it because it’s mainly for my benefit. I just want to cheer up a bit. I love my husband. I love my children. I love my sisters and my […]
Ever get that feeling where you’re surrounded by things to do, but you’re still bored out of your skull? Yeah. That’s how I’m feeling right now. And it sucks. There’s a lot of housework that needs doing, but I can’t be bothered. I put a washing load on because I had to, but that’s all […]
I was hoping recovery would be a straight shot to the finish line, that once I’d started it would be easy and I’d be unstoppable. I knew I was wrong, but I still hoped. But unfortunately my hope was misplaced. Don’t get me wrong, I’m glad that I’m making progress in certain areas of my […]