Like An Armadillo

My husband has been off work this past week and it’s been wonderful. But now Tuesday is looming (the day he goes back to work) and I feel like I’m falling back into that pit of despair filled with restless ghosts that won’t stop whispering at me. What is the point of life? What is […]

I Defy It

It’s like a weight pressing down on me, whispering hateful words and cruel judgements, accusing and condemning. You’re not good enough. You’re a disappointment. You’re always a disappointment. You’re fat and you’re ugly and who could blame people for not loving you? It’s voices in my head repeating vicious mantras, voices of the enemy, except […]

You Are Depression

You scream but no one hears you. You laugh to cover up your agony; why can nobody tell how fake it is? You smile a smile that feels like a grimace, but it must pass off okay because no one rushes to your side. You feel ashamed of your own weakness. Your eyes are open […]

If You Look Hard Enough

I’ve had quite a relaxing day so far. My husband let me rest a lot as I’m not feeling top notch, and he cleared up loads of the mess in the kitchen before he went to work. I’m so grateful. So now I’m just chilling out counting down the minutes until I need to get […]

A Little Girl Seeking Validation

I spoke to my Dad today on the phone, and for the first time I was honest with him about how things are with me. I mean, I’m honest all the time, but I’m usually more generic with my responses, giving blanket answers rather than specifics. And I often downplay things a little. But today […]

Self Abuse

I’ve been really insecure lately. I’ve been saying such horrible things about myself so many times a day, and it’s become a habit, I just insult myself without thinking. I am so quick to assume that I’m a disappointment to others. It’s really wearing on me, and on my husband too because he doesn’t like […]

I Love Living

This will be a happy post, because happy thoughts make a person feel good. I apologise if it’s boring for anyone, you don’t have to read it because it’s mainly for my benefit. I just want to cheer up a bit. I love my husband. I love my children. I love my sisters and my […]

Clifftop

I was hoping recovery would be a straight shot to the finish line, that once I’d started it would be easy and I’d be unstoppable. I knew I was wrong, but I still hoped. But unfortunately my hope was misplaced. Don’t get me wrong, I’m glad that I’m making progress in certain areas of my […]