So apparently it’s been around two years since my last blog post. I’m not sure why I stopped, and I’m not exactly sure if I’m ‘starting’ again. But I am writing now. Two years and I could say it doesn’t feel like much has changed…but that would be a lie. I think I’m finally making […]
I feel so overwhelmed by life.
My husband has been off work this past week and it’s been wonderful. But now Tuesday is looming (the day he goes back to work) and I feel like I’m falling back into that pit of despair filled with restless ghosts that won’t stop whispering at me. What is the point of life? What is […]
It’s like a weight pressing down on me, whispering hateful words and cruel judgements, accusing and condemning. You’re not good enough. You’re a disappointment. You’re always a disappointment. You’re fat and you’re ugly and who could blame people for not loving you? It’s voices in my head repeating vicious mantras, voices of the enemy, except […]
A day when things seem to be getting a bit better. I’m well aware this is probably just the upward slant of the eternal up-and-down wave I’m living called anxiety and depression, but there’s no doubt the upward slant feels a heck of a lot nicer than the downward one. I’m kind of afraid of […]
You scream but no one hears you. You laugh to cover up your agony; why can nobody tell how fake it is? You smile a smile that feels like a grimace, but it must pass off okay because no one rushes to your side. You feel ashamed of your own weakness. Your eyes are open […]
The answer is to kill myself. That’s it. Simple, really.
I can’t breathe I can’t sleep I can’t see I can’t speak I can’t hope I can’t dream I can’t live I can’t be me At least, not the me I used to be
Some days are good. Some days are bad. Some days are a mix. There’s no formula or pattern. Each day is a lottery.
Always alone when I need help. That’s what it feels like. My daughter is crying in bed and for some reason I’m having a panic and it’s freezing me so I can’t go to her. She’ll wake up my son and then they’ll both be screaming. My husband was supposed to have finished work nearly […]