Mad At The World

I am mad at the world And the world’s cruel laugh At the mockery The ridicule The joke that it makes of me. I am mad at the world And its cunning facade At the sneer on its face As it slanders my name Ruthless and cold. I am mad at the world For all […]

Hurricanes Of Every Sort

The weather has mirrored my mood today- turbulent, grey and uninviting. Picking my daughter up from school was the worst school run I’ve done to date. The wind was ferocious and unrelenting, I had to take my daughter’s umbrella away because it was getting difficult for her to hold onto, and suffice it to say […]

You Want To Know What It Feels Like?

I have no idea how to be happy. Not really, truly happy. Not the kind of happy which endures. I have happy moments. And in those moments I feel that the rest of life’s rubbish is worth it for those few moments of calm contentment. But is it really? Should life be like this? Is […]

I See Nothing But Mental Illness

I feel like I’m losing grip on who I am. Every day I feel like I’m falling deeper into a blackness that will soon become all-consuming. I’m so frightened. I can’t see a light at the end of this tunnel, and I’m terrified that there isn’t one. What if I’m like this forever? What if […]

Worthless and So, So Ugly

My husband has cheated on me. He told me yesterday. I’m dying inside. For years I’ve lived in terror that my past will repeat itself. That I will fall in love again and have another child only to have that person be unfaithful to me. And now it’s happened. Now it’s happened. He said it […]

Games Designed to Hurt

I feel like just giving up. Screw you life, I don’t have time for your crap anymore. Just leave me the hell alone. Let me curl up and disappear into nothingness because I’m done here, I’m just done. What the heck is the point? It’s probably lame to quote a TV show but I’m going […]

Hate and Anger and Facades

I don’t like putting on a facade. I don’t like pretending I’m alright. I don’t like being anything other than what I want to be. It blows my mind how selfish some people can be. Why should I feel guilty for looking out for my wellbeing? Why should I have to justify myself? I feel […]

Existing

Living and existing are not the same thing. To live implies purpose, a reason behind action and thought. A sense of identity. A moral compass. Hope. Joy. Plans. Excitement. Actually being bothered. To exist is much less. It is to simply be, without direction or necessity. No one needs you. You float through the world […]