Radio Silence

I’ve been pretty absent from my blog lately. I’ve been finding it difficult to sit down and put my feelings into words. But I’ll try and re-commit to doing it more often. As a brief update: my anxiety and depression is, I feel, on the mend. I’m still on medication (150mg sertraline daily) but I […]

Brightness In The Blackness

Ugh, I’m such a mess. I’m in such a horrible phase right now (at least I hope it’s a phase) where I get these seriously intense low mood patches and it’s honestly terrifying. I feel so hopeless and that there is truly nothing to live for anymore because reality is either too scary or too […]

Fighting Fear

I’ve been feeling incredibly low over the past few days. I think it’s because of my recent commitment to try my best to trust my husband again and turn over a new slate. As part of this I promised I’d do my best to stop checking up on him and searching through his phone and […]

I Feel Sick

When I think about it I feel sick. Marriage is meant to mean commitment, right? But he’s been unfaithful to me. He’s said/typed words for other people, which should only have been meant for me. He’s exchanged images with people, so that they’ve seen what should only be mine to see, and he’s seen things […]

Hope: A Far-fetched Concept

I feel like a different person to the one I was a few days ago. Recent happenings have changed me and I don’t know what to do. But I know what I want. I want to trust my husband again. I want to make our marriage work. I don’t know how either of those things […]

Black

I’m a paranoid mess of anger and bitterness. I’m laying here at half three in the morning because I can’t get back to sleep. All I keep thinking about is what my husband might be keeping from me. Yesterday I found evidence on his phone that he’d been chatting with a couple of women and […]

The Blame Game

I haven’t posted in over a week, and I have no idea what to write.  I’m not even going to attempt to cover the entire happenings since my last entry, but in a nutshell it’s been up and down. It might be easier to just pick up from today and explain how I feel now. […]

Thinking

I had a pretty deep conversation with my husband yesterday. I showed him a few of my recent blog posts because I find it easier that way, it gives him an insight into my feelings that we can then build a discussion on. He was very kind and very understanding. He wasn’t defensive. I felt […]

Once A Cheater, Always A Cheater?

I have no idea what to do.  I’m seriously stuck for a way forward.  I need help. How can I trust my husband again? Is it even possible? Can I really hold out any hope for the future? Can I truly trust that he won’t cheat again? How do I recover from this? It’s been […]