Clifftop

I was hoping recovery would be a straight shot to the finish line, that once I’d started it would be easy and I’d be unstoppable. I knew I was wrong, but I still hoped. But unfortunately my hope was misplaced. Don’t get me wrong, I’m glad that I’m making progress in certain areas of my […]

Brightness In The Blackness

Ugh, I’m such a mess. I’m in such a horrible phase right now (at least I hope it’s a phase) where I get these seriously intense low mood patches and it’s honestly terrifying. I feel so hopeless and that there is truly nothing to live for anymore because reality is either too scary or too […]

Daze

I’m in a bit of a daze at the moment. My mood is swinging to and fro without much more than a hint of a trigger to tip the balance. I’m very sensitive and I find myself overreacting a lot. At the moment, my mood is steady which is nice. I’m trying to exist just […]

Remembering

I’m so grateful for moments of peace. For the temporary absence of the knot in my stomach. It’s such a nice reprieve. And it occurs to me that this must be what life is like for people without anxiety and depression. Heck, this must be what my life used to be like. I just can’t […]

Kaleidoscope

Today a Health Visitor came round to see my one year old son and check his general progress. I suppose she was nice, but I found it hard to see that because in my opinion she was a bit tactless in some of her phrases, and also I just don’t like people in my house […]

Give Me A Light

I had a doctor’s appointment this morning which I was very nervous about, but it went well. I’ve been given a higher dose of propranolol so hopefully I’ll see a bigger effect now when I take it (I was seeing an effect most of the time before, but not always and sometimes not in a […]

Happy Happy

Guess what? Today’s been a good day! I can’t remember the last time I had a day that was so undeniably good. The stressful moments were few and far between. It was wonderful. My husband is off work this week and it was lovely spending time with him without feeling subconsciously tense that he’s returning […]

Try Fighting. It Doesn’t Work.

I swear there’s someone up there laughing at me because my life is just such a joke it must be someone’s idea of a sick entertainment show. I’m clearly just the laughing stock of planet earth. It’s all a stupid game that I cannot win. Not when the world itself is pitted against me. You […]

Disjointed Mess

I’m in a rut. I can’t continue life like this. It’s just too stressful, too hard. I can’t do it anymore. I don’t know what to do. I can’t bear all the tension and just doing the same thing practically every day, driving me mad, drilling into my skull the feeling of being worthless, pathetic. […]