Hope: A Far-fetched Concept

I feel like a different person to the one I was a few days ago. Recent happenings have changed me and I don’t know what to do. But I know what I want. I want to trust my husband again. I want to make our marriage work. I don’t know how either of those things […]

Black

I’m a paranoid mess of anger and bitterness. I’m laying here at half three in the morning because I can’t get back to sleep. All I keep thinking about is what my husband might be keeping from me. Yesterday I found evidence on his phone that he’d been chatting with a couple of women and […]

Thinking

I had a pretty deep conversation with my husband yesterday. I showed him a few of my recent blog posts because I find it easier that way, it gives him an insight into my feelings that we can then build a discussion on. He was very kind and very understanding. He wasn’t defensive. I felt […]

I’m A Mess

I had a doctor’s appointment this morning. I’m finding them increasingly difficult and I’m not sure why. She’s a lovely doctor, I feel likes she cares and takes me seriously. I just find it harder every time to be completely open and honest. My husband doesn’t want me to tell her about his infidelity because […]

Once A Cheater, Always A Cheater?

I have no idea what to do.  I’m seriously stuck for a way forward.  I need help. How can I trust my husband again? Is it even possible? Can I really hold out any hope for the future? Can I truly trust that he won’t cheat again? How do I recover from this? It’s been […]

Hopelessness, Hurt, Hatred

I haven’t written a post in a long time because I just don’t know what to say. I can’t tell the difference between what’s real and what’s not anymore. I can’t tell what’s anxiety or depression and what’s really me. And part of me thinks there isn’t a real me anymore, not beyond mental illness. […]

Happy Happy

Guess what? Today’s been a good day! I can’t remember the last time I had a day that was so undeniably good. The stressful moments were few and far between. It was wonderful. My husband is off work this week and it was lovely spending time with him without feeling subconsciously tense that he’s returning […]

Crisis

Recently I’ve been having some sort of identity crisis. I really don’t know who I am. I can’t tell the difference between the real me and the me that is anxiety and depression. I feel so overwhelmed by everything right now that I feel like my mental illness pretty much defines me. That’s who I am, and […]

Life’s a Mess

Today’s definition: stressful. I’ve been reminded of how adversely I react to change and how much I rely on stability and consistency. I hate it when I’m required to handle a spontaneous change like a normal person because, newsflash, I’M NOT A NORMAL PERSON. I’m messed up and under a lot of pressure from all […]