I am completely and utterly exhausted. Having a panic attack has that effect. I despise it. But I’m glad this particular attack is over. I’ll enjoy this break while it’s here.
Ugh, I’m such a mess. I’m in such a horrible phase right now (at least I hope it’s a phase) where I get these seriously intense low mood patches and it’s honestly terrifying. I feel so hopeless and that there is truly nothing to live for anymore because reality is either too scary or too […]
I’m in a bit of a daze at the moment. My mood is swinging to and fro without much more than a hint of a trigger to tip the balance. I’m very sensitive and I find myself overreacting a lot. At the moment, my mood is steady which is nice. I’m trying to exist just […]
The days are so difficult at the moment. I get so low, so overwhelmed by life and everything in it. I feel like I’m failing in so many ways. I feel I’m disappointing everyone, most of all myself. I have this weird sensation that I’m just drifting through life. The days are slipping past without […]
Today’s definition: stressful. I’ve been reminded of how adversely I react to change and how much I rely on stability and consistency. I hate it when I’m required to handle a spontaneous change like a normal person because, newsflash, I’M NOT A NORMAL PERSON. I’m messed up and under a lot of pressure from all […]
I’m aware that I haven’t posted in a couple of days. It’s just been an extremely exhausting time, and it’s taken its toll on me more than I expected physically, and at about the level I expected emotionally. I will post about it, hopefully tomorrow. So until then.
*NOTE* I recognise that I am anxious and depressed right now. I recognise that I will probably regret what I’m about to say later. But I need to get this out of my system and I have no one else to talk to I’m not happy and I don’t think I ever will be because, […]
I don’t know where to go from here. I desperately don’t want a radio silence to form between myself and my Mum. I don’t want to abandon hope that my relationship with her can be fixed. But I just can’t talk to her right now. Thinking about her instantly triggers my anxiety, with reactions ranging […]
I’m so exhausted. I can’t stand it. I hate the effect emotional strain has on me. I hate that after intense stress my body pretty much gives up any pretense of strength. I tried to exercise this morning and I felt so wiped out that I had to work at a fraction of my normal […]
Often, in order to get to sleep, I have to force myself not to think about sleep itself. Because sleep scares me. The prospect of being unconscious, of willingly allowing myself to slip into a state of complete unawareness, really frightens me. I hate thinking about it, I hate knowing that while I’m asleep I’m […]