Self Abuse

I’ve been really insecure lately. I’ve been saying such horrible things about myself so many times a day, and it’s become a habit, I just insult myself without thinking. I am so quick to assume that I’m a disappointment to others. It’s really wearing on me, and on my husband too because he doesn’t like […]

Remembering

I’m so grateful for moments of peace. For the temporary absence of the knot in my stomach. It’s such a nice reprieve. And it occurs to me that this must be what life is like for people without anxiety and depression. Heck, this must be what my life used to be like. I just can’t […]

Jealous?

Jealousy is like a disease. Once it’s taken root inside of you, it grows. Thankfully, it’s curable. But eradicating it from your system is not easy. Sometimes we don’t even know we’re infected with jealousy until something triggers it. Suddenly and without warning, you’re racked with insecurity and fear. It cripples. It sucks the life […]

I See Nothing But Mental Illness

I feel like I’m losing grip on who I am. Every day I feel like I’m falling deeper into a blackness that will soon become all-consuming. I’m so frightened. I can’t see a light at the end of this tunnel, and I’m terrified that there isn’t one. What if I’m like this forever? What if […]

Life in Increments

I need to take life one day at a time. If I try to think about more than that, it quickly becomes overwhelming and reminds me how terrified I am of that future. But just one day…I can manage one day. So that’s all I’ll aim for. I’ll aim to get through just one more […]

Haunted and Broken

I’ve hit a wall. I didn’t blog at all yesterday and I don’t know why, except that I don’t feel very much like myself right now. I’m finding it difficult to put words together. I have no idea what I want to say. I feel like a mess at the moment. There are moments when […]

Gratitude

There were two things I was terrified of about my unknowable future when I was growing up. I was scared I’d never meet ‘the one’ for me, and I was scared that I wouldn’t be able to have children. I was thinking about this today, about my two private adolescent fears, and I realised that […]

The Grass is Pretty Green Right Here

Time moves forwards relentlessly, regardless of whether we want it to or not. And, typically, time is also something of a rebel. I think it senses what we want and does the exact opposite, just because it can. Quite mean, really. The phrase “time flies when you’re having fun” is, in my opinion, true. Because […]