I Feel Sick

When I think about it I feel sick. Marriage is meant to mean commitment, right? But he’s been unfaithful to me. He’s said/typed words for other people, which should only have been meant for me. He’s exchanged images with people, so that they’ve seen what should only be mine to see, and he’s seen things […]

Hope: A Far-fetched Concept

I feel like a different person to the one I was a few days ago. Recent happenings have changed me and I don’t know what to do. But I know what I want. I want to trust my husband again. I want to make our marriage work. I don’t know how either of those things […]

Thinking

I had a pretty deep conversation with my husband yesterday. I showed him a few of my recent blog posts because I find it easier that way, it gives him an insight into my feelings that we can then build a discussion on. He was very kind and very understanding. He wasn’t defensive. I felt […]

I’m A Mess

I had a doctor’s appointment this morning. I’m finding them increasingly difficult and I’m not sure why. She’s a lovely doctor, I feel likes she cares and takes me seriously. I just find it harder every time to be completely open and honest. My husband doesn’t want me to tell her about his infidelity because […]

Once A Cheater, Always A Cheater?

I have no idea what to do.  I’m seriously stuck for a way forward.  I need help. How can I trust my husband again? Is it even possible? Can I really hold out any hope for the future? Can I truly trust that he won’t cheat again? How do I recover from this? It’s been […]

Hopelessness, Hurt, Hatred

I haven’t written a post in a long time because I just don’t know what to say. I can’t tell the difference between what’s real and what’s not anymore. I can’t tell what’s anxiety or depression and what’s really me. And part of me thinks there isn’t a real me anymore, not beyond mental illness. […]

Invisible Woman

The days are so difficult at the moment. I get so low, so overwhelmed by life and everything in it. I feel like I’m failing in so many ways. I feel I’m disappointing everyone, most of all myself. I have this weird sensation that I’m just drifting through life. The days are slipping past without […]

Jealous?

Jealousy is like a disease. Once it’s taken root inside of you, it grows. Thankfully, it’s curable. But eradicating it from your system is not easy. Sometimes we don’t even know we’re infected with jealousy until something triggers it. Suddenly and without warning, you’re racked with insecurity and fear. It cripples. It sucks the life […]

You Want To Know What It Feels Like?

I have no idea how to be happy. Not really, truly happy. Not the kind of happy which endures. I have happy moments. And in those moments I feel that the rest of life’s rubbish is worth it for those few moments of calm contentment. But is it really? Should life be like this? Is […]

Disjointed Mess

I’m in a rut. I can’t continue life like this. It’s just too stressful, too hard. I can’t do it anymore. I don’t know what to do. I can’t bear all the tension and just doing the same thing practically every day, driving me mad, drilling into my skull the feeling of being worthless, pathetic. […]