Black

I’m a paranoid mess of anger and bitterness. I’m laying here at half three in the morning because I can’t get back to sleep. All I keep thinking about is what my husband might be keeping from me. Yesterday I found evidence on his phone that he’d been chatting with a couple of women and […]

My Reality

Today has been another day when I have been reminded how much I despise anxiety and depression (as if I need reminding). It’s also shown me how having a cough and a sore throat, added to a great need for sleep, can exacerbate anxiety and depression considerably. And to top it off, my husband’s getting unwell too, which  triggers […]

Kaleidoscope

Today a Health Visitor came round to see my one year old son and check his general progress. I suppose she was nice, but I found it hard to see that because in my opinion she was a bit tactless in some of her phrases, and also I just don’t like people in my house […]

Hurricanes Of Every Sort

The weather has mirrored my mood today- turbulent, grey and uninviting. Picking my daughter up from school was the worst school run I’ve done to date. The wind was ferocious and unrelenting, I had to take my daughter’s umbrella away because it was getting difficult for her to hold onto, and suffice it to say […]

Try Fighting. It Doesn’t Work.

I swear there’s someone up there laughing at me because my life is just such a joke it must be someone’s idea of a sick entertainment show. I’m clearly just the laughing stock of planet earth. It’s all a stupid game that I cannot win. Not when the world itself is pitted against me. You […]

You Want To Know What It Feels Like?

I have no idea how to be happy. Not really, truly happy. Not the kind of happy which endures. I have happy moments. And in those moments I feel that the rest of life’s rubbish is worth it for those few moments of calm contentment. But is it really? Should life be like this? Is […]

Silently Screaming

I’m laying in bed in the dark. My husband is a few centimetres away, but it feels like miles. It feels like there’s a concrete barricade between us. There’s so much bitter feeling. He’s fast asleep (which does my head in, he can sleep regardless of how much tension there is) and I’m wide awake. […]

Games Designed to Hurt

I feel like just giving up. Screw you life, I don’t have time for your crap anymore. Just leave me the hell alone. Let me curl up and disappear into nothingness because I’m done here, I’m just done. What the heck is the point? It’s probably lame to quote a TV show but I’m going […]