My Friend Fear

Let me introduce you to my friend Fear. We’re super tight, we literally go everywhere and do everything together. She’s an awesome friend; the kind that never leaves your side. Fear knows what’s best for me, even when I’m not sure myself. She’ll remind me over and over that the best way to stay safe […]

My Little People

I love keeping up to date with the News, but at the same time I hate it. There’s so much misery and pain and depravity in this world that sometimes it overwhelms me with this sense of hopelessness. Of course there are good things too, inspiring things, happy things etc etc, but I’m struck by […]

Give Me A Light

I had a doctor’s appointment this morning which I was very nervous about, but it went well. I’ve been given a higher dose of propranolol so hopefully I’ll see a bigger effect now when I take it (I was seeing an effect most of the time before, but not always and sometimes not in a […]

Time

My three year old girl starts pre-school tomorrow. I can’t really get my head around it. I feel too young to have a child in school. I feel too young to be doing the school run and attending parents evenings and signing permission slips and goodness knows what else. I’m only 21. I feel so […]

Death By Anxiety

My anxiety is really killing me lately. I feel tense so much of the time, and it’s practically incapacitating me. I don’t know where it’s coming from. It might be a mixture of things. But I feel like the root of it might be the fact that my little girl is starting school in just […]

Anxiety and Depression Are Real

I honestly can’t remember what life was like before anxiety and depression. Was I always this introverted? Was I always so insecure? Was I always so afraid of going out? I’m now intimately familiar with fear and tension. I encounter them on a daily basis. The knot I get in my stomach when I’m stressed […]

Choice

I’ve got so many big choices to make. I don’t have to make them right now, but it’s still daunting knowing that sooner or later I’ll be faced with them. One choice is whether to have any more children. I know my husband would like to have more, but it’s such a massive commitment, much […]

Trust Issues and Paranoia

I’m sorry it’s been a few days since my last post. I’ve been finding it hard to get motivated to write about my feelings and I’m not entirely sure why. Things with my husband are going okay, aside from the trust issues that are crippling me right now. I desperately want to trust him, and […]

The Rollercoaster of the Past Few Days

A few days ago I started communicating with my Mum again. We exchanged a few messages, had a few short conversations. It went well; we didn’t go into anything deeply, but it wasn’t superficial either which was good. It got to the point where I was just missing her so much and the relationship we […]