A Little Girl Seeking Validation

I spoke to my Dad today on the phone, and for the first time I was honest with him about how things are with me. I mean, I’m honest all the time, but I’m usually more generic with my responses, giving blanket answers rather than specifics. And I often downplay things a little. But today […]

Mish-mash

I’m finding it so hard to blog at the moment. I don’t know why it’s suddenly so difficult, but I really dislike it. Blogging is helpful and therapeutic for me, as well as boosting my self esteem because I feel I’ve achieved something. So why does it take gargantuan effort to get myself to do […]

Hope: A Far-fetched Concept

I feel like a different person to the one I was a few days ago. Recent happenings have changed me and I don’t know what to do. But I know what I want. I want to trust my husband again. I want to make our marriage work. I don’t know how either of those things […]

Jealous?

Jealousy is like a disease. Once it’s taken root inside of you, it grows. Thankfully, it’s curable. But eradicating it from your system is not easy. Sometimes we don’t even know we’re infected with jealousy until something triggers it. Suddenly and without warning, you’re racked with insecurity and fear. It cripples. It sucks the life […]

Give Me A Light

I had a doctor’s appointment this morning which I was very nervous about, but it went well. I’ve been given a higher dose of propranolol so hopefully I’ll see a bigger effect now when I take it (I was seeing an effect most of the time before, but not always and sometimes not in a […]

Crisis

Recently I’ve been having some sort of identity crisis. I really don’t know who I am. I can’t tell the difference between the real me and the me that is anxiety and depression. I feel so overwhelmed by everything right now that I feel like my mental illness pretty much defines me. That’s who I am, and […]

“Hello Beautiful”

Yesterday I walked into my bedroom to get ready for bed and my husband, already lying in bed, said “hello beautiful”. It made me smile like I was a little girl again. It’s not like he doesn’t tell me I’m beautiful normally because he does, so I’m not sure why this time affected me so […]

Fragile, But Good

Today has been overall a positive day. There have been low and stressful moments, but it’s been surprisingly good. For the first time in ages I exercised this morning which was so great. I found that it was a great release for my pent up tension. I put so much effort into it to really […]

Progress

So I haven’t posted in a few days, mainly because my husband’s been off work this week and he will be next week as well, so having him around has been a pleasant distraction from the norm. It’s been wonderful having him at home, especially as his holiday has included our anniversary (last Monday) and […]