Progress?

So apparently it’s been around two years since my last blog post. I’m not sure why I stopped, and I’m not exactly sure if I’m ‘starting’ again. But I am writing now. Two years and I could say it doesn’t feel like much has changed…but that would be a lie. I think I’m finally making […]

I Defy It

It’s like a weight pressing down on me, whispering hateful words and cruel judgements, accusing and condemning. You’re not good enough. You’re a disappointment. You’re always a disappointment. You’re fat and you’re ugly and who could blame people for not loving you? It’s voices in my head repeating vicious mantras, voices of the enemy, except […]

Killing Instinct

Wading through the thick sludge that is my life, hating the pain and the impossibility of each step. Continuing anyway. Desperate for a reprieve, and yet every time I fall, every time I sink beneath the surface and become enveloped in killing darkness, instinct takes over and I thrash my way to the surface again. […]

I Love Living

This will be a happy post, because happy thoughts make a person feel good. I apologise if it’s boring for anyone, you don’t have to read it because it’s mainly for my benefit. I just want to cheer up a bit. I love my husband. I love my children. I love my sisters and my […]

Clifftop

I was hoping recovery would be a straight shot to the finish line, that once I’d started it would be easy and I’d be unstoppable. I knew I was wrong, but I still hoped. But unfortunately my hope was misplaced. Don’t get me wrong, I’m glad that I’m making progress in certain areas of my […]

Mish-mash

I’m finding it so hard to blog at the moment. I don’t know why it’s suddenly so difficult, but I really dislike it. Blogging is helpful and therapeutic for me, as well as boosting my self esteem because I feel I’ve achieved something. So why does it take gargantuan effort to get myself to do […]

Thinking

I had a pretty deep conversation with my husband yesterday. I showed him a few of my recent blog posts because I find it easier that way, it gives him an insight into my feelings that we can then build a discussion on. He was very kind and very understanding. He wasn’t defensive. I felt […]

Drained

It’s been one of those draining days where I feel like I need about 15 hours sleep in order to recharge. I’m just exhausted in every way. My brain is telling me to just put my phone down and go to sleep, but I find it difficult to consider doing that. I don’t think I […]

Not Fulfilled

I’ve been finding it difficult to blog recently, hence my radio silence. I don’t know why. My anxiety and depression have been quite hard to deal with and I guess that’s affecting my motivation to blog. There’s not really much going on for me right now. My daughter is at school and she’s doing well, […]