I can only get away
From the blackness
When I’m asleep
Because for a few moments
And I can give myself a break
But lately sleep has become harder
And I find myself thinking:
What if one day I can’t escape
What if I have to spend the rest of my existence awake
Aware of this hell I’m in?
I can’t bear that.
So I make this tentative arrangement with myself;
When it gets to the point when I can longer sleep
I’ll force myself into unconsciousness
And I’ll make sure I don’t wake up.