The days are so difficult at the moment. I get so low, so overwhelmed by life and everything in it. I feel like I’m failing in so many ways. I feel I’m disappointing everyone, most of all myself.
I have this weird sensation that I’m just drifting through life. The days are slipping past without much meaning or effect from one to the next. And when I say drifting, I don’t mean to say it’s easy, it’s the opposite. But everything just feels so pointless. I’m desperate for something to make me feel important, but I feel invisible. I’m a faceless nobody. I blend in. I like blending in, I don’t want to be noticed, I don’t like people trying to talk to me. But at the same time I feel this insane longing to be of worth somehow. I want to influence people. And while wishing for it I know that I never will, not as the anxious, introverted person I am right now.
I’m just floating along here not really making a difference, not exactly leaving a mark on the world. Every day is practically the same, a variation on a set mold. I’m just existing. And being overwhelmed by existence.