I had a doctor’s appointment this morning which I was very nervous about, but it went well. I’ve been given a higher dose of propranolol so hopefully I’ll see a bigger effect now when I take it (I was seeing an effect most of the time before, but not always and sometimes not in a strong way). I was scared of the appointment because these past few weeks have been the lowest I’ve ever been. It’s always easier to report positive things and progress because you get a happy reaction. I was worried she’d be disappointed in me. But she was actually very kind and very understanding, and she said some really nice things about me. I find it difficult to accept praise or compliments, but it’s still a bit of an ego boost to get them.
I’m really hoping things will get better soon. I really can’t go on like this. It’s not that I want to die, because death scares me, but there are so many times now when I just don’t want to live. I feel trapped and I hate everything around me. There’s no light at the end of the tunnel. I’m just really hoping things start looking up now. I’ve lived in darkness long enough and I’m fed up with it.