I’m in a rut. I can’t continue life like this. It’s just too stressful, too hard. I can’t do it anymore. I don’t know what to do. I can’t bear all the tension and just doing the same thing practically every day, driving me mad, drilling into my skull the feeling of being worthless, pathetic. My house is such a mess but I just can’t do anything about it. I despise feeling this way. I despise living like this. It’s not fair. I can’t carry on like this. Something has to change. I’m just spiralling further and further down into the black abyss beneath me. There’s no hope. I’m messed up and I always will be. I’m mentally ill and I’ll never get any better. I’ll never again know life without the blackness. I’m doomed to this life each and every day until I give up.