Today’s definition: stressful.
I’ve been reminded of how adversely I react to change and how much I rely on stability and consistency. I hate it when I’m required to handle a spontaneous change like a normal person because, newsflash, I’M NOT A NORMAL PERSON. I’m messed up and under a lot of pressure from all directions and nobody sees what’s going on beneath the surface. Even if they could see it, I doubt they’d be able to make sense of it. Most of the time I can’t make sense of it.
I’ve realised I’ve got a lot of anger inside me and I don’t know what to do with it. I don’t have any real friends except for my husband, and I’m worried this might be detrimental to our relationship. Doesn’t everyone need friends? Friends that are removed from the immediate situation so they can help? Sometimes I feel like my husband and I are so overwhelmed by life and its many catastrophes that we would benefit greatly from a friend who could give an outside perspective, but we’ve both become so introverted thanks to anxiety and so we only really have each other. I’m scared that isn’t healthy though.
Oh, I don’t know. I’m a mess. Life’s a mess.