My husband has cheated on me. He told me yesterday. I’m dying inside.
For years I’ve lived in terror that my past will repeat itself. That I will fall in love again and have another child only to have that person be unfaithful to me. And now it’s happened. Now it’s happened.
He said it was nothing physical, just sexual messages. And sexual images being sent on some occasions. There have been multiple women, some were strangers. But whether he slept with someone or not, I consider what he did cheating. He was unfaithful to me.
What have I done to deserve this again? I give myself to someone completely. I carry a child in my body and then go through the agony of childbirth. I do all this for a man. Then they cheat.
And last time this happened, I left the guy. I was brave enough to face being a single mother. Now though, with anxiety and depression plaguing my life, I am too cowardly to face single motherhood.
I love my husband and we are trying to make it work. But I’m dying inside.
I must be so ugly and so worthless for two men to cheat on me. And after I’ve given them a child too. I know my body isn’t nice anymore, pregnancy does that to you. But I thought men weren’t that shallow. I was wrong.
I hate it all. I hate life and I hate men and I hate sex and I hate the whores who didn’t care that my husband was married when they sent their messages and their pictures to him. I hate that to them sex is just for fun. I hate that they think sending dirty messages is just messing around and it doesn’t mean anything. Am I the only person who thinks that this stuff matters? Who thinks that sex is this hugely emotional thing that’s about love and trust? Maybe I’m too old-fashioned. Maybe I’m too naive.
Or maybe I’m just plain stupid.
I must be so worthless. I must be so ugly.