Introvert

Today I’ve felt fairly low. It started this morning when I checked Facebook and discovered that my old high school friendship group had had a party for one of their 21st birthdays, and they didn’t invite me. They’ve had get-togethers in the past without inviting me and that’s hurt my feelings, but this time it was even worse because they’d invited people who weren’t even all that close to us. I mean, we were all friends, but I felt like I was closer to some of them than the others were.

Maybe it’s pride, but I feel really upset about this. I was best friends with a couple of these people, and I know we’re all in different places doing different things now, but I feel like they’ve just phased me out of the group. It sucks. I feel so rubbish. And then I feel stupid for allowing it to make me feel so rubbish.

Honestly, I wouldn’t have gone anyway if I had been invited, I know that. Anxiety and depression have turned me into a complete introvert with a whole host of insecurities. I’d have been freaked out by the idea of going. But still, an invite would have been nice. Some acknowledgment of our years of high school and college together that formed what I thought were deep friendships. Whatever.

I just feel so isolated. I’ve been living here for two years and I only have a handful of people here I can call friends. I never go out. I never socialise. If I feel brave enough to go to church I keep to myself, panic if people try to talk to me, and we leave as quickly as possible afterwards. My husband is my best friend now, and while that’s good it also means neither of us really feel the need to hang out with other people. Which just adds to our introverted nature and crappy social lives. If I’m in a panic or feeling low there are literally just 3 or 4 people I feel like I could ask for help if I need it. I’m such a loner.

I’m 21, I feel like I should be socialising a lot. In my teenage years, before the depression got debilitating, I went out with friends pretty often and loved it. But now… my days are spent stuck indoors with only a baby and a 3 year old for company. I love them but they stress me out and hardly provide intelligent conversation.

I must be such a sorry excuse for a young woman.

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2 thoughts on “Introvert

  1. Wow I didn’t know you were so young! I’m 20 and I was living with my boyfriend for awhile. We were practically married and each other’s best friends. In the end, this is why we broke up. We isolated ourselves from other people so much that we both became severely depressed and took it out on each other. We both suffered from the same kind of anxiety you described and were just comfortable being at home with each other. I also lost touch with my high school friends because I was in such a different place than them and had really no one to reach out to. If I’ve learned one thing, it’s that life begins at the end of your comfort zone. It may be easier to just stay in with your husband but in the end this is really bad for your relationship. I know it’s hard when your nerves are so bad that you feel sick but you need to reach out to your old friends and also find some new ones! Believe me, if you don’t want to lose him. It’s worth the anxiety

    • Thankyou for sharing your experience! You’re not the first to tell me it can be damaging to a relationship to only have each other as friends, but as you know it’s so much easier said than done! The thought of it terrifies me! But I’ll try harder, I really don’t want to lose him

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