I’m Lost

I feel lost. I’m just drifting through life but I don’t know why and I don’t know where I’m going. I don’t even know who I am. There are so many voices in my head and I can’t tell what’s rational and what’s not, what’s truth and what’s anxiety. I don’t trust anyone and it’s […]

A Fine Line

I don’t know where to go from here. I desperately don’t want a radio silence to form between myself and my Mum. I don’t want to abandon hope that my relationship with her can be fixed. But I just can’t talk to her right now. Thinking about her instantly triggers my anxiety, with reactions ranging […]

Life in Increments

I need to take life one day at a time. If I try to think about more than that, it quickly becomes overwhelming and reminds me how terrified I am of that future. But just one day…I can manage one day. So that’s all I’ll aim for. I’ll aim to get through just one more […]

Hate and Anger and Facades

I don’t like putting on a facade. I don’t like pretending I’m alright. I don’t like being anything other than what I want to be. It blows my mind how selfish some people can be. Why should I feel guilty for looking out for my wellbeing? Why should I have to justify myself? I feel […]

Now My World Is Crashing Down

Now my world is crashing down And all I can do is watch Now my world is falling apart And I’m powerless to hold it together Now my world is grey and bleak And, oh, how I miss the colour Now my world is a graveyard And I’m haunted by my memories Now my world […]

Progress

So I haven’t posted in a few days, mainly because my husband’s been off work this week and he will be next week as well, so having him around has been a pleasant distraction from the norm. It’s been wonderful having him at home, especially as his holiday has included our anniversary (last Monday) and […]

LET ME SLEEP PLEASE

I’m laying here and I just can’t sleep. It’s not fair because I’m exhausted. I wish I could just shut my brain down, stop its obsessive over thinking. I wish I could stop my back from aching so I could feel comfortable. I wish one of my reactions to anxiety wasn’t feeling this need to […]

My Date

My date last night was wonderful. I still can’t believe I actually got to go out with my husband, on a romantic outing, without the kids, in the evening. It was surreal but so lovely and so special. My thoughts of course regularly returned to the children and home and how things were going, but […]