Gratitude

There were two things I was terrified of about my unknowable future when I was growing up.

I was scared I’d never meet ‘the one’ for me, and I was scared that I wouldn’t be able to have children.

I was thinking about this today, about my two private adolescent fears, and I realised that I take for granted that I now have both the things I feared I never would. When did I become the girl who rarely sees the positive and instead dwells mostly on the negative? I have a wonderful husband, and he loves me. He is in every sense the one for me. And I have two beautiful children. When I was young this was all I wanted, and now I have it and I don’t think I really see how amazing it is.

I know that anxiety and depression play a massive part in the way I see the world, but still it makes me feel guilty that I can be so ungrateful sometimes. I hope that one day I’ll be free of these illnesses and I’ll be more able to take joy in all the wonderful things in my life. But for now, one day at a time is all I can manage. And on the days when I can see beyond the darkness of my inner turmoil, I’ll try to cherish the real beauty that I have all around me.

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