I miss my little girl.
She is away with her dad at the moment, and I miss her terribly. She sees him once a month, but I can’t get used to it. I can’t accept it. I think I’m always hoping something will change and it won’t have to happen anymore.
It feels unnatural, handing my small daughter over to someone I don’t much like. It feels unnatural to even call him her father, because to me being a father is more than just DNA. It’s loving someone, it’s raising someone, it’s sacrificing for someone. And my husband has loved and raised and sacrificed for my daughter for the vast majority of her life. In my eyes, he is the real father figure in her life.
I find it difficult while she’s gone. She’s such an ingrained part of me and my life now, I feel at a loss without her around. All my routines change and I feel like I’m free falling.
It doesn’t feel fair that this should have to happen. A bright side is that I know she is at least well looked after while she’s with him, and that he wouldn’t harm her. But I also know his parenting style is very different from mine, and I don’t like thinking about what that means for discipline etc.
She’s my daughter. She’s mine. Nobody should take her away from me. It’s agonising.