I have no idea what to write about today. I’m not sure how I feel. I know I’m not panicking about anything which is good, but I also know I’m fragile. I can sense it in my stomach, in the fact that I’m isolating myself from others. It’s probably a defensive thing, taking time for myself. I’m listening to music with headphones in, and I think it helps because it gives the illusion that I’m alone. Each time a song ends I check my kids are okay, but while the song is playing I’m alone, blissfully alone.
I love music and the power it has to drive bad feelings away. I love all sorts of music. I love listening to it, I love singing and I love playing instruments. Music has been a huge part of my life growing up. From performances to studying it at A Level to simply playing the piano for hours to de-stress. I find peace in music, I find inspiration, I find comfort. I find answers. I find strength.
And isn’t strength something we all need? Sometimes I feel like life is relentless in its way of challenging us. We beg for a break and most of the time we don’t get one, and I think that’s just how life works. There’s no changing it. Life is hard, and sometimes it sucks. Sometimes it’s impossible. But sometimes it can be beautiful. Just like love really. It can bring sadness, happiness, healing or pain. It’s the only all-encompassing emotion. It literally takes us everywhere. And I don’t mean just romantic love, I mean all kinds of love. When we love someone, we expose ourselves to the possibility of feeling anything and everything life can offer. But in my opinion I think it’s worth it. I think the beauty is so worth the pain.
And I think life is like that too. Here is a quote I love by Jeffrey R Holland:
“Whatever your struggle…mental or emotional or physical or otherwise – do not vote against the preciousness of life by ending it!”