Life can be so hard struggling with anxiety and depression. Each day is a new challenge, filled with its own difficulties and obstacles to overcome. Wouldn’t it be wonderful if there was a quick fix? A foolproof method that would heal someone in an instant?
Unfortunately, there isn’t one. These are illnesses of the mind and they stem from thought processes that are deeply ingrained and developed over time. To recover, you have to master the emotive part of your brain and alter thought patterns that have been there a long time and often take place without us consciously giving them permission to. It’s not easy.
Sometimes, it feels impossible. In low times, it’s hard to think rationally, let alone positively. All you can do is survive each anxiety attack, each low swoop in your mood. And surviving is about all I feel I can do at the moment.
Getting up in the morning, feeding myself and my children, getting myself and them dressed… suddenly it all becomes incredibly difficult. And to make matters worse, feeling so frightened of such harmless tasks starts a damaging thought process: I’m worthless and can’t handle being a mother. It’s shameful, being afraid of such little things. Everyone else can do them, so why can’t I? My husband must be so disappointed in me. My children deserve better. I can’t do this anymore. Etc etc etc. And all because I’m faced with something small to tackle, and my anxiety decides to rear its head.
I guess the bright side is that the low times and panic do pass. Each time life gets hard, it’s only a matter of time before it becomes easier again. And as hard as it is to hold onto that knowledge when I’m feeling rubbish, I know that if I can it will help me endure it. And I like to think that one day in the future I’ll be free of these mental disorders, and that I’ll look back at this challenge and be grateful for it because it made me stronger. One day.